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Can Men Be Helped? Part 2

Though men desperately need help very, there is very little available in churches. Most have many programs for women, but hardly any for men. Sadly, as men go so goes the church. 

My churches drew more men than women, probably because I saw biblical men as being real men, not girlie men; real men warts and all! I always said, “If you got guts, follow Jesus.”  

The Bible speaks frankly of David's adultery, murder and cover up, yet God said he was a man after God's heart. We see Sampson's problem with a bad woman and Solomon’s addiction to women eventually undid him. The guy who wrote so much wisdom literature foolishly placated his foreign wives leading him into deep trouble with God.  

It's easy to please our wives so much that we forget to lead our family; to so emphasize our softer, compassionate, feminine side that we end up submitting to our wives and children. Ironically, nothing makes a woman more insecure. In Larry Christiansen’s wonderful book THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY a woman said, "We fight you for leadership, but we don't want to win. We secretly hope you’ll win, even as we struggle for control."  

Men should "rule their households well." This means serve your wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”, but don’t abdicate your God given role as head of your family. We need to be more like Abraham Lincoln who was called ‘a man of steel and velvet’. That balance of toughness tempered with gentleness can only help the women and children he loves.  

Men’s problems start in early childhood. Some secular books discuss the war on boys. Psychologists used to just medicate women to suppress the emotions they couldn’t deal with. Now they medicate boys largely because they are boys; boys who grew up with no father or absentee fathers.  

Can men be helped? Absolutely. I’ve seen it time and again at my retreats. Men hunger for authentic manhood. They crave fellowship with real men who are neither feminized nor macho. They yearn for opportunities to open up with others who will listen, without condemnation, and extend God’s love, wisdom and grace.  

Instead of that, men get ‘shoulder-on’ a lot. Most women’s magazines and day time TV do that regularly. Even most sermons rail against men’s sins. We love to condemn infidelity, pornography and bad language but few pastors equally confront gossip, intemperance, backbiting and other more feminine transgressions. It’s no wonder men avoid church.  

If a man is to truly change we must impact his emotions. The experiential factor in my retreats helps them truly transform. Everything we do impacts the whole person, body soul and spirit.  

Our small groups encourage people to vulnerably share where they really live; to set aside pretense, advice giving, and scripturalizing so people can open up at the deepest level of their reality. Our speakers do this too, just like the Apostle Paul did. He openly confessed his pride, depression and even sexual temptations. No one is helped by groups that make them feel like everyone has everything together but them. When leaders are vulnerable, reality therapy can do its work. Healing happens when leaders confess.  

We have tools to help. My e-Book Precious Pearls can help you start a powerful growth group. The 14th STEP goes even further. Like a paper psychiatrist it guides you into everything you need to know to heal your deepest pain. It also shows you how to start a healing group right where you live.  

Hope is a wonderful thing, and men don’t get enough of it. When men change the family changes and all of society gets better.


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