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How to Improve Your Emotional IQ

Companies spend thousands on information to train employees and thousands more to motivate them, and they should. Employees are their most valuable commodity. But while information and motivation are valuable, they often forget the most important part: Transformation. Few things in life transform us, but those that do improve our effectiveness forever.

 Information helps us do our jobs properly. But how many times have you crammed for a test only to forget what you learned as soon as you passed it? Similarly, motivation gives us an intellectual caffeine jolt, but it usually evaporates in a few short days. Neither truly help be more successful, happy, healthy and prosperous. Only inspiration and transformation can do that.

 Companies lose billions each year to sickness and absenteeism. More billions are lost due to ineffectiveness because of drama and relational trauma both at home and at work. Ethical lapses leading to theft, unwise shortcuts and dumb decisions based on deception and even malice cost more billions. Enron and Martha Stewart illustrate this at the highest levels of corporate America.

 All this incompetence, fraud, loss and suffering can be minimized and even avoided. How? By strengthening our spiritual, relational and emotional skills. Noted author and corporate guru Stephen Covey says we have five kinds of intelligence: physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. And we usually do nothing to develop the emotional and spiritual. Companies wrongly fear that they will alienate some workers if they attempt to help with those areas. The opposite is true. Most Americans are deeply spiritual, and the vast majority affirms our traditional spiritual values. Newsweek’s new poll by Princeton University in December of 2004 showed that 93% of Americans believe Jesus Christ lived. Over 82% believe He is God or God’s Son. And they realize He has a lot to do with the quality of their lives. Some 63% said if Jesus never lived there would be less charity, 61% said there would be less kindness, and 59% believe the world would be less happy.

  Much can be done to increase our spiritual and emotional IQ and few things do more to help us with our entire lives. I learned that in 1979. I was miserable. I had been a pastor for five years and a husband for three and I was doing neither very well. I had been reading a magazine called Faith At Work that talked about relational Christianity. It said the Kingdom of God is the Kingdom of right relationships. Their Leadership Training Retreats helped people develop relational skills. It revolutionized my life and the event I designed from it can revolutionize yours.

 How? Covey says that improving our emotional and spiritual IQ helps us five ways. First, is makes us more self aware, so we can better own up to the things we can do to improve our life and performance. Second, it dramatically increases our motivation. After my first retreat, I realized I could develop a wonderful life. Third, it gives us self-discipline necessary to improve our lives. Fourth, we receive greater empathy. I learned to hear and be heard. That alone changes everything in life and few if any of us have ever learned these invaluable listening skills. Five, we can receive new social skills that enhance our ability to resolve differences and improve all our important relationships, both at work and at home. 

 My first retreat helped me in each of these areas. I decided to offer a similar event so all my friends could experience the benefits. In the last 25 years, our Personal Growth Retreat (PGR) has transformed hundreds of lives. Most people say it was the water shed event of their adult life, impacting them more positively than anything other than a spiritual conversion. It certainly directed all my work in personal growth and healing.

 Positive, healthy relationships are essential to all success. Communication skills are the most important ingredient to anyone’s ability to create the life of their dreams. Yet, who trains people for this? What class ever taught you how to listen redemptively? Who has ever trained you how to really hear and care for the people who are most important in your personal life and career? I have a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a Masters in Theology yet in 13 years of public school and 7 years of college, no one ever taught me how to listen, hear, communicate or connect with people at a deeply satisfying level. And nothing I’ve ever learned has helped me more. 

 Our PGR is the most effective tool I know for increasing your emotional IQ. In the last 25 years, we have refined it repeatedly. I am now refining it one more time to make it easier than ever for you to attend it. I am cutting out all the fat and streamlining it down to a weekend event to make it cheaper and more accessible for you. We are offering it in February here in beautiful Rancho Palos Verdes, CA, a lovely pristine suburb just south of LA. You will learn things about yourself and why you are the way you are. You’ll be trained in skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life, both at work and in your personal life. And you will probably feel more cared for than you ever have in your entire adult life.

 Ready for a change? You probably do many things for many people but now I hope you will invest in yourself. I can tell you this. I have traveled to every part of this country to learn and experience things that helped me become a healthier, happier, more effective person. No investment has paid greater dividends. Prayerfully consider attending this remarkable retreat. And remember this: though you will receive information, motivation and even inspiration, mostly you will receive transformation, and when you improve yourself, you improve everything else in your life.


Ken Unger is President of and founder of, where you can learn more about him and his transformative ministry. click here ,
 "Ken's new book, The Ultimate Breakthrough, goes beyond self help to self healing. You can preview it at  The Ultimate Breakthrough "
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